The drawing dutchy

So I finished my lion drawing a few days ago, it was a challenge and so much fun to draw! I am so happy I found this reference picture, by Rob Porter (Unsplash).

I didn’t decide to draw this just because I liked the reference.

It being my first drawing of 2024, I decided it had to be one that gave me a little challenge.  I also spend the time I don’t do commissions on animals that aren’t usually picked for commission drawings. This way I add some variety to my portfolio, and I get to have some fun drawing different animals and people!

But there is a deeper meaning to why I picked this one, this Lion. My zodiac sign is Leo. Do you get asked what your zodiac sign is at times? I do! When you tell people you are a Leo you are usually met with gasps and wide eyes. And “Ohhhh… “! In my case, it’s usually followed by “But at least you aren’t the typical Leo!” That is true in a way. I tend to explain it away by saying I am more “mellow” because I’m so close to being a Virgo. If you believe in zodiac signs, that may be one explanation.

The other explanation is that I am a domestic abuse survivor.

After I left my abusive ex I spent well over a decade healing. I had been broken down so much that I stayed quiet, ducked for cover, and was afraid to let my voice be heard. That had become my defense mechanism. I have always had both the lion and the Virgo in me. I was strong and independent, but also quiet and more introverted at times. The traumatic things I have been through magnified the quiet introverted side of me. So I became a bit of a recluse for a while, and the caring side of my personality warped into co-dependency instead.

Now, after  years of healing, I have found my voice again.

I learned to trust myself. I started drawing again and trusting that process. I started seeing value in myself again. That was hard to admit to myself at first because it feels vain and arrogant to me to say I’m proud of myself. But why is that? Why is it that I can’t say “Yeah, I do this, and I am proud of it!” “I am proud of how far I’ve come!”?. Because deep inside me there is still that voice telling me that I don’t deserve good things. That I’m not good enough. That no one will ever love me. That I deserve torture, not praise. That voice is the hardest thing to get rid of.

So me drawing the Leo, is a reminder to myself. A little kick in the butt if you will. I need to remember that I am a Leo more often. Allow myself to be inspired by my own zodiac sign, and the strength that comes with it. Drawing this Leo helped me think about which areas of my life need a little more Leo-power. Here are a few examples:

Leo’s are known for their pride…

Known for loving the limelight and praise! I hate being in the spotlight, and I probably always will. But as an artist, I’ll have to get more comfortable with getting compliments and promoting my work. It’s okay to be proud of your work. To be proud of yourself even. There is nothing wrong with wanting a little bit of attention on you. I have to remember that. Maybe I need to learn to enjoy compliments! And I definately do need to start advertising myself more!

I tend to go all-in on commitments. I take my responsibilities very seriously. It’s easy for people to take advantage of that and string you along just because you always give it your all. But now my drawings are a commitment as well. One that I can earn money with. You can’t make everything transactional of course. But it may be a good idea for me to look at some areas of my life and ask myself some questions. Like; “Am I putting more energy in than I am receiving in return?” or “I could have made x amount of money in the time I’ve spent here, was that really worth passing up?”

Loyalty, when it comes to that I am a typical Leo.

I am fiercely loyal! But the trauma I have gone through has a drawback in the area, and I can get blindsided by it. I have very high standards for my own loyalty but expect almost nothing in return. I’m just happy not getting beat down every day. I have to remind myself that one-sided loyalty isn’t loyalty at all, it’s obedience. And I’m a Leo, not a Pomeranian!

Then there is Leo’s ambition. I have that, I have always wanted to work on myself and make myself better and more skilled in different ways. People misunderstand that and think that Leo’s want to be better than others. I don’t. It’s not that I want to be better than others, it’s that I want to be better than myself! I believe that the day I stop wanting to improve, stop being willing to learn new skills and knowledge, is the day I may as well lay down and die. That sounds more dramatic than it’s meant. But every day is an opportunity to do better than yesterday and to learn new things. I love that, it is so exciting to me!

I have always dreamt of being my own boss and making my own money one day!

So yeah, I may have taken a little longer to get here, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t still create that business for myself. Nothing is impossible, but i do have to remember my inner Leo. Eye on the prize, paws on the ground, and roar a little here and there. No, those aren’t gray hairs in my mane, just the light glazing over it while I am running through this jungle!

Please let me know what you think! Are you a Leo, or just a person that also needs a little of the lion’s strenght in your life? You can leave comments here, or on my social media pages! I’d love to hear from you!